I don't know where this entry is going to go, I guess its more to let my mind wander. For the past two almost three years, I have had a friend. At some points in my life he was more than a friend, but I devoted all my time to making him happy, I wanted more than anything for him to love me and care about me and to be happy with just having me being me. But I was never ever enough to him. He would like me for maybe a month max, before he would go find a prettier girl, or a girl who wasn't as quirky and blunt as I was. He would tell me it was my fault things went wrong in his life, and that he wished he hadn't met me. But other days he would be all buddy buddy, and we were best friends. But what I realized last night, when he "accidently" hit me across the face, was that he doesn't love me. I don't even mean in a lovey dovey way. I mean that he legitly does not care for me in anyway, he hates me. For the past few months, every since I've had a boyfriend, he has gotten more abrasive and hurtful in the things he says, but I kept trying, he was one of my bestfriends, and I figured I owed it to him to stick it out. What I realized last night is that I don't owe him anything. Everyone week I stand and say the young womans anthem "We are Daughters of our heavenly father, who loves us and we love him." If I am truly a daughter of God, I don't deserve to be treated as if I were trash. Someone recently told me that I had other people in my life, this person gestured to a picnic table, where almost all my friends were hanging out at. They asked me what I wanted, I didn't understand the question until later. What I want is to be happy, and as long as I force myself to remain in the friendship which tears down my selfworth, I am not going to be. I don't know how I'm going to do this, but I pray that maybe one day, me and him can be friends again, after we have both grown up a bit. Until then, I pray that I can become a better person, and that he finds happiness in life, as I intend to.
- Katie
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